Pandas Suck - The Intrepid

Sunday, May 09, 2010

Pandas Suck

That's right, according to Animal Review, a blog devoted to reviewing and grading animals based on their awesomeness, Pandas get a big fat F. Why? Well, Pandas don't seem to like to procreate and they eat bamboo, which wasn't designed for their stomachs.

Here's an excerpt from the highly scientific entry:

In the meantime, pandas occupy valuable zoo space while bringing little to the table. We’re not even allowed to name them. If we could give the pandas that China lends us names like Babcock or Slider, they might be ever-so-slightly more interesting. Instead we’re left wondering how to pronounce ‘Gao Gao.’
The mammals behind Animal Review are Jacob Lintz and Steve Nash, who, like any good bloggers, have managed to turn their site into a soon-to-be-released book.

So far, they've reviewed seventeen species that can be found in Canada, giving us a middling average grade of C+. (The site itself would be infinitely better if you could sort animals by their region and rank.) Dragging us down are flies (annoying), garden snails (evolutionary retards), and hummingbirds (addicts). While our best animals are skunks (armed and ready), North American mountain goats (bearded), and porcupines (spiky).

Of course, the most important animal—our national animal—the beaver, has still yet to be reviewed.

Photo by The Brit_2.