Fucking Christmas Tree! - The Intrepid

Friday, December 12, 2008

Fucking Christmas Tree!

Rusty Christmas Tree Stand
Today we spent the entire day trying to put up the family Christmas tree, and it’s still not up!

The day started at Ikea, where we purchased a lovely tree—cut by the good people at Ikea into a Christmas tree shape. Luckily, this process makes the tips of branches extra sharp and gives the tree that manufactured appeal that not even the fake trees can top. But, for $20 it’s a pretty good price.

In the past, Ikea gave $20 in store credit for every tree purchased—no string attached! This year, strings are in vogue. Ikea still advertises “Free Christmas Tree” and gives out the store credit, but it’s not good until after Christmas, and then only till March. Also, the credit is only valid for purchases greater than $75—still a deal, but not a great one.

After bringing the tree home, it was time to set it up in the living room. Like most North Americans we still have a cheap Christmas tree stand, stolen straight from the 1960s. Over the years, the stand has warped and developed that putrid shade of orangey-brown rust, but rather than replace it we just decided to endure. Usually, it takes about an hour of hell to get the tree up. This year, after three hours of hell, mountains of pine needles, and excessive cursing it was time to get a new stand.

After 30 minutes of internet research, we concluded that the best stand was probably the Omega Tree Stand. According to the reviews, the stand was easy to assemble, sturdy, and would fit any Christmas tree. $39.99 ($45.19 with tax) later, we discovered just how awful the Omega Tree Stand really was. Unless your tree has the perfect diameter, the Omega Stand simply won’t work. Instead of using the screws found in traditional Christmas tree stands, the Omega Tree Stand uses nylon clamps which are advertised to be both sturdy and easily adjustable. The problem is that they only fit perfectly circular trunks. If your trunk isn’t circular, which ours wasn’t, the tree will slide around, or at worst, come crashing down.

As it stands (no fucking pun intended!) our tree is leaning in the corner of the living room in bucket of water. Maybe we’ll just leave it there and we can have a lopsided Christmas.

2 comments:

Vince said...

Do you know the PrettyFastStand?
I learned about it from http://www.hiilz.com and I beleive that this instantaneous & automatic self-adjusting Christmas tree stand is the best.

Robert said...

Rusty Christmas Tree Stand Today we spent the entire day trying to put up the family Christmas tree, and it's still not up! The day started at Ikea, ... ctreestand.blogspot.com